Saturday, September 24, 2005

Lessons learned from Rocky I - V

23 Sept

To think the day started so well….

After 10 minutes of watching the new 3 stooges’ attempt at solving our power shortage, I decided to make myself scarce (or burst!) – I’m no electrician, but I cant see how the 3 (cook; cleaner; spider guard) thought going to every light switch and turning them on and off would solve the problem. On their third circuit, and for the sake of my sanity, I left for the safety of the sundeck.

Then everything changed………………..(don’t laugh at the bits where I'm trying to act hard!)

Now, 2 days ago I discovered that my wallet was short of some cash (1500 rupees)- So I laid a trap, and today it was sprung. Initially im not sure whether the cook or cleaner has light fingers, but one of them has stolen from me & I'm not happy about it! Also - Upset Happy Security guard which made me sad.

Firstly, I was suspicious because Suzie & I had changed the same money last week; we have gone Dutch on everything; & I knew when I returned from the spa that I had over 10k rupees in my wallet. Day B4 yesterday just B4 work, I checked my stash and it was about 8.5K - I asked Suze how much she had left, she said over 10 (which made sense), and mine should have been the same (roughly). So, a la sherlock, I took all my big notes out, locked them in my case, and left 640 rupees (a figure that I wrote down – just to be sure). Yesterday nothing, no spending, same amount in wallet. For some reason as soon as I came in from the sundeck today I just knew something had changed (just a feeling-damn sixth sense!) - wallet is 100 rupees light - I was angry because I couldn't believe they had been so fekin stupid (more than the fact that the stuff had been nicked) - as Suzie said, what makes it worse is I've been really friendly to them....just goes to show.

Well, I was obviously pissed off that someone was going into my room to steal, there was no sign of cook - he had gone out, and I told the cleaner (in front of happy and spider guard) that I was tempted to knock his fekin block off (motioning fist to his face) then I told the guards to get him out of the house b4 I did. (I think I had my top off too, which must have really scared him…………!)

I then had a shower to cool down & dodged artfully downstairs to the security office to point out that they should also be pissed off as whoever had stolen obviously had no respect for them either as it made them look bad. There mood went from serious to angry, i didnt like having a go in front of Happy, or spider for that matter, as they are smashing blokes.

I did say that if my money was returned to Rajeev (not-so happy guard), then I would consider letting it go (frustrating thing is if they had asked, I would have given them some money - stupid c's) - anyway b4 I came to work I explained to Rajeev that I didn't blame him, and he said that he liked my character and was still very sorry for what had happened (not smiling!, obviously feeling blamed!).

Look's like it was Arun the cook...... Yeah, I'm pretty gutted - He got back to the house drunk today. He was also wearing a new shirt yesterday, which is kind of rubbing my nose in it. Apparently they have also been helping themselves to our booze & soft drinks which is also a nono. Deepa was going to get him to stay to try to catch him red-handed, but I said it would be best if he was gone now as if I saw him later I would probably kick the crap out of him. I'm not sure whether the cleaner was innocent or no, but I guess he's going to get the boot too, which I feel kind of guilty about......kind-of (ho-hum!)

Don't think it'll get me my money back though......Dont think I'm going to be happy with ANYBODY going into my room either!

Still, I guess that’s kind of the end of a chapter so heyho heyho its off to work we go…..

Meep Meeeep! – like a million road runners on heat. Look at me; I’m here; I’m behind you; watch out!; don’t hit me; outoftheway – all kids who remember having there first bike bell or honka will relate.

The prime rule of driving is don’t hit anything – here, this is the only rule. Give way means don’t slow down at a junction and pray that the other potholes;animals; pedestrians;vehicles can be avoided. Oh! Along with meep meeeep! Parp parp WAAAAAAAH! (and the occasional screech).

It’s the overtaking on blind bends that’s the real rush, along with under taking. Most roads don’t have paths at the side, so pedestrians use them as well as everything else. I have seen 3 cars 1 bike and a pedestrian pass simultaneously on what we would consider a ‘b’ road width (2 lane) – Remember the prime rule!

Home 2nite and happy guard looks well sad, so i pop down for a chat. I tell him that 2day was a bad day as he had been let down by someone he trusted & liked (Cook), but that i was glad for all his help and wouldn't want anyone else looking after us - I actually thought he was going to cry. He said he felt it was both of them. I just want him to be happy so must try and find a way to cheer him up over the weekend.....maybe just making myself scarce might work! - To bed feeling low because happy guard is sad.........

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Forgive me father....

Sept 22
......................it's been 2 weeks since my last:

Meat
Chicken ('cept once - I was...hungry; it was....Yum)
Guinness (there are tears; they are falling)
Combo of the above = BigBadWind!

Kiss........................

car drive (or travelled in car without a pervading sense of doom, or desperate need to scream/poop/cry)

shampoo & condition - 'i'm sure my hair has never been so lovely and clean, it shines in the hot sun, and when i wake in the morning and to mirror, it takes me a while to recognise myself, what with the pillow and bedsheets stuck to my head'

grocery shop
cook/wash up/dry up/put away - Thnx cook! We also have a cleaner, who's name i dont know yet, and a gardener/handyman - so i dont actually have to do squat! I just spend all day sitting around in the sun, clicking my fingers and acting like the man from whose arse the sun shone - what a W*NK*R!)

bullshit line - ok maybe that's taking things too far, but i have cut down....a bit.

Ben + Jerrys cherry Garcia or caramel choochoo / Haagen Daaz Cookies + cream (stomach rumbles; mouth waters)

(Was also gonna write negative thought.....!)

Walked to shops down road for first time - spent 2 minutes wandering around wondering why i bothered - reminds me of a wild west centre (without a saloon!) but with litter everywhere - shops sell fresh fruit & veg, reckon we would also be able to get the v. bare essentials - 200m home on foot dodging rickshaws.

Shabirinath (Shabiri - famous mountain where god lived; nath - leader) who i call SHABA! and Saiju were talking last night about the Tsunami. I had just been given a gift of a tiny doll that has been handmade by fisherwomen of the tsunami - called tsunamika (http://www.tsunamika.com/) - I guess the proceeds of which went to the relief fund but its touching that even people who have so little will still give to those who have less. Apparently a town 60km southwest of here completely vanished in the waves wake - fathers, mothers, children - everybody gone. The Families all got together at Xmas and went to the beach as they did every year, now there is space + void where once there was hope + joy.

Shabiri has a home video that a friend of his shot in the aftermath that he wants to show me, said it explains better than his words ever could............Dont want to see, but i'll watch it, just to understand a little, to know.................................

Have a Nice Day!...............

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

tock tick tock tick

Sept 21
4am finished - tired
drop off Shabiri - mud track - narrow lanes - houses crammed - surreal shantyshacks as wild dogs bark then in packs chased car.
on - dog-tired - blur past people walking (exercising?) at 415 with cane and stix on deserted roads of a stinking comatose city lit by the moon and an occasional streetlight flicker, and on - more faces frown as switched on by the headlights, then off again in a moment as we careen past on rain soaked roads past litter shit + roadkill - on + on, closer + closer To home; Bed; Sleep.....

Wake; Tired; 11am; towel-suncream-sundeck; 30c; Gazza biography finished - memory of a Saturday in '96 with J + Shave + Billy 'cast + Bogroll + Beer + That Goal + Joy. Try to think if i ever saw Gazzza play live & draw a blank - Shame; genius 10th Dan Black-belt Grandmaster of the game = Legend.

Gittar riff's Am to Em to C - 4pm tired; bed; sleep; darkness - wake-eat-crashtestdummydrive-now wide awake-work.......

Today's Malayalam as provided by MAD driver (what was i thinking talking to him when all his concentration should have been on LOOKOUTFORTHATBIKECARDOGRICKSHAWLORRYBUSPOTHOLEMANWOMANCHILDCAT):

maya - rain
suryen - sun
chundren - moon
valuthe (vallootay) - big
cherathue - small

(will try to ask cook to make a valuthe choodu marsala!)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Coo coo Ca choo!

Sept 20
Cook Rollicking for uncleanliness was obviously my fault - I am greeted with jabberjabberjabber complaint - jabberjabberjabber - office - jabberjabberjabber. The kitchen was a hive of ants; fruit flies & Mozzies (+ roaches too i dont doubt!). My Malayalam for unhygienic; health standards; food poisoning; disease is ropey so had asked Deepa from office to explain. Explanation obviously took the form of a right set-to over the coals & were not appreciated - Think cook now hates me.

Feel a need for Reiki in my life though morning visit to Artha Daylee Reiki centre didn't inspire me to enrol. Sit down strumming Gittar & 'I am the Eggman' - Thought about getting cook to sing and happy guard to....look happy. Maybe form a bond (band!) and cook will have a new focus for his ire. Thought process drifts to happy guard strumming and singing by gate & earning a few extra rupees for himself from passersby - immediately leapt up and ran out to find Rajeev (Happy guard) to explain my plan. He Laughed! (he's so happy!) I dont think he really understood but my impersonation was award worthy! Shall endeavour to seek out Happy guard at the first signs of sadness or negativity as he makes me smile!

Consideration of eating out whilst cook calms down abruptly halted as rumbling questions from stomach are answered by cook's call to lunch - i am already tikka Jalfrezi; Vindaloo; bombay aloo sweating as i take my seat and brave cooks food. Chapatti with veggie Marsala (bloomin' lovely!) Best curry i've had yet - and i am convinced he doesn't hold a grudge (unless he is trying to get my guard down (shut up! - stupid paranoia!)) seems maybe all is not as it seems.....think i'll sleep with the door locked 2nite.

To all my friends in cold places.....look at me sat over here smilin'

Owl Ariyaamo?

Sept 19
Had a strange dream of a TV broadcast: train carriage with people trapped in cars beneath as then camera focuses in on petrified faces in vehicles just as weight becomes too much & crushes all below - woke in sweat, maybe because of heat but dream vision freaked me out.

A new resident in the bathroom is a shy ghecko. I know he's there, and i know that he knows i know he's there, and i know that he knows that i know that he knows that i know he's there (etc.....) Have tried unsuccessful (thus far!) attempt at communication. He doesn't speak any language i am familiar with. w/e flashback remember drunken attempt to coax fruitbats down from palms on Saturday. I felt the Albino dialect worked best with this regions variety.

Cook taught me 'Shamikkanam' which means sorry. I thought he wanted me to apologise for my behaviour, but having just finished eating today's concoction think it was more of an advance warning! - RIP Mr PoopooLoo (again!) i suspect - no wonder Ghecko hides.....

Final Malayalam for the day, especially for the boys in rm2 - English Ariyaamo.......Do you speak English?

Monday, September 19, 2005

3 cheers for the white skinned beast....HipHip

Sept 17 - 18
Farewell to cook and Happy guard and it's shit or bust on the doyoufeellucky 90 minute dodgem ride to Kollam. Chalet is dark, cool and has really nice views over Lake Ashtamudi. Poolside skin sees sun for first time and blinding reflection forces other guests to don dark shades gangsta stylee until quickly white became red.

Quick dip in green soup was refreshing (kind of) but kept mouth shut for fear of death or worse. Decided to take slow boat punted by man onto lake to see sunset - Nice! - (note funny how lake colour = pool colour....hmm?).

Night - Haunting voices over lake from temple on far shore whilst clouds race over the full moon above gave the sensation of travelling at a million MPH (or maybe it was the drink?)

Bacardi Hangover is interrupted at too early a.m. telcall 'you want massage?' - 'cant remember response, either: 'no- Alka seltzer, Nurofen or H-O-T-D'; '.... off!' or somesuch. Silence.....sleep.

Hours later and i'm 'back in the room', off to massage centre to book in and maybe apologise depending on reaction to earlier response that i cant remember. After entry to the masseur's little den, ordered to 'STRIP - ALL' and then directed to don a piece of string (round waist) with a strip of linen that hung down the front and was pulled (sharply - breathe quickly) between my legs and tucked under the string at the back. Smile/laugh as i envision (resemble?) a sumo wrestler in a thong (with a high voice!).

Following hour massage was GR8 - still feel chilled hours later. Only problem = Oil!, basically full body massage including head (on shoulders!) and hair!. Body oil came off easily with soap, same oil in hair obviously doesn't as 5 showers later I am 'slick with the delightful fragrance of chestnut oil! (good for stir fry!) - seems to keep mozzies away though......& everything/one else for that matter!

Stock car return to relaxed w/e i feel in a malaise.......

First week's featured soundtrack artist - Sufjan Stevens. http://sufjan.com/